How can a relationship weather the storms, even hurricanes, of conditioned thoughts and emotions that inevitably arise when two people come together in intimacy? The answer in my experience is unconditional Conscious Love.
Nothing else has the power to take us through the emotional storms to the peace, joy and freedom that await us just the other side of hell …
There’s nothing like an intimate, emotional-sexual relationship for bringing up “stuff”, bringing up our judgments, bringing up our negativity, bringing up “you should, you shouldn’t”.
All kinds of arguments can happen between two people who genuinely love each other. It seems that when we move into a relationship of true love everything that is not love comes up to be cleared.
There is a phrase in the Course of Miracles, which says “Love brings up everything that is unlike itself for the purpose of healing and release”.
This is my experience. Love brings up everything that is unlike itself so all unloving thought structures – or “frozen thought waves” as I like to call them – which have lain buried in our deep mind, can melt back into the ocean of Consciousness from which they emerged.
The reason is that love wants to grow, love wants to become more. Love wants to find an increasingly profound expression. Love wants to be expressed through deeper and deeper levels of intimacy.
In my experience, only unconditional Conscious Love has the power to take us through the emotional storms that can arise in a deeply intimate human relationship.
I learned this in my relationship with my beloved soulmate, Jenny. Although we enjoyed a fundamentally very beautiful relationship, a wonderful relationship that was an absolute joy, it also brought up huge amounts of pain in both of us.
One day we were sitting in our living room when the pain reached a crescendo. To give you an idea of how powerful this experience was, imagine what it might be like to sit in your living room with an actual hurricane going on, with the furniture and ornaments physically swirling around the room.
Obviously, things were not actually swirling around the room, but it felt as if they were. The emotional experience was that real. The emotional intensity was that strong. It felt as if there was a physical hurricane taking place in the room.
Instead of allowing ourselves to get sidetracked by the siren calls of judgments – “you shouldn’t have done”, “you should’ve said”, “blah, blah, blah …” – you know the soap opera of relationships I’m sure – we stayed firmly centered in Conscious Love.
We focused our attention only on Love, refusing to give energy to negativity, refusing to give energy to any negative or unloving thought.
The metaphor that best describes this comes from Homer’s Odyssey. The story goes that Odysseus was the captain of a ship sailing between islands. On one of these islands there were half woman, half bird creatures called Sirens, whose beguiling whispers tempted sailors to change course and be wrecked upon the rocks.
Odysseus wanted to hear the Siren calls but not to act on them. So he got his crew to tie him to the mast so he could not take over the helm of the ship. And his crew bunged up their ears with wax so they couldn’t hear the siren calls, and thus be tempted to overpower him and change course.
So it was that Jenny and I steered a course for our “true north” you could say. Our true north was to stay completely focused, intensely focused, in love. Nothing other than that, refusing to be tempted by the seductive whispers of our “siren thoughts”.
It felt like a very long time but, actually I think the hurricane lasted only seconds. Then it blew out, completely blew out. And we found ourselves simply sitting in the room together. And everything felt quite ordinary again.
All the pain between us had gone. The feeling of separation between us had gone. That pain which basically is a feeling of being separate, and there’s nothing more painful I know than the feeling of being separate from the one I love, never returned again with anything remotely close to that intensity.
And by the time Jenny’s body died, it had dissipated completely through our daily communion of unconditional Conscious Loving.
This is how I came to know the power of Conscious Love. That event in my relationship with Jenny has continued to have a massive knock-on impact throughout my whole life. To this day it informs the way that I think about myself, other people, and certainly the way I think about intimate sexual relationships.
I believe now that the power of Conscious Love, this great unconditional Love, is not a luxury. If we are to enjoy a truly fulfilling and liberating intimate relationship, it is an essential.
From the bottom of my heart, I truly and deeply wish this for you. All of you who are reading these words, may you be blessed, may you be graced to know the power of this Conscious Love.