What is a “Soulmate”?

When we’re talking about soul, what do we actually mean by “soul”?

To me, soul is consciousness, awareness, being, who we are, literally who we are in the truth and reality of the “IS-ness” of spiritual consciousness that is prior to and yet includes our human embodiment.

This soul consciousness is timeless, formless, spaceless – independent of time, independent of form, independent of space. Therefore, it’s quite reasonable, logical even, to say that a soulmate relationship can transcend and encompass multiple lifetimes.

When there are no limitations of time and space, even whole lifetimes are not a limitation ..


What exactly is a soulmate? My relationship with my wife, Jenny, was the most powerful and beautiful relationship I’ve ever known. Perhaps the only relationship that truly justifies the description of soulmate.

Although she died in August 2012, or rather her body and personality died, I continue to feel her presence with me all the time. It never changes. It feels just like she’s in another room, or she’s gone off to the shops and will soon be back. As I write it’s been this way for seven years.

The feeling of being in a relationship with her continues to this day as strongly as it did when her body was alive. This is something I’ve never known with anyone else who’s died. And I’ve had many people die in my life.

Both my parents, both my brothers (I didn’t have any sisters) all my aunties and uncles, and quite a number of close friends, have died. But I’ve never felt this ongoing quality of intimate feeling relationship that I do with the soul essence of Jenny.


Now I must be completely clear here. I’m talking about the soul essence of Jenny. I’m not saying that Jenny, the human woman, is still alive. No, obviously the body died, it’s gone, ended. As did her mind-personality. But the soul essence who lived through that body-mind is still very much alive. And that’s what I feel.

This soul essence is genderless. Although I knew her soul essence living through a physical embodiment as a human woman, the soul essence is absolutely genderless. This is 100% clear.

When we’re talking about soulmates, we’re talking here about a quality of relationship that goes beyond male and female. Although often it is expressed as male and female, obviously, it doesn’t have to be. It could be two men, or two women. It could be parent and child, it could be platonic friends. It could be a human and an animal.


I feel now that I should say something about what I believe is not a soulmate relationship.

In this world today we have this phenomenon called networking, business networking, where people meet up online and offline and get to know each other, and that’s fine. But those relationships are generally founded on “What’s in it for me?”

In this form of relationship, if I get to know you, I’m thinking “what can you give me?” And the other person is thinking, “what can I get from you?” Which is a kind of commercial transaction. And I guess in the context of business that’s fine. I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s useful to know people that can do things. But it’s not what I call a soulmate relationship.


Similarly, I’ve come across many examples of couples, men and women generally but it could be same sex relationships. Love is independent of our sexuality. So I see no reason why the quality of love in a same sex relationship wouldn’t be the same as the quality of love in a heterosexual relationship.

But anyway, I digress a little. What I’ve noticed is that quite a few people, from what I can make out, get together in a relationship – an intimate, sexual, emotional relationship – on the basis of, “what can I get out of this?” “What’s in it for me?”

At a very crude level. And I’m not saying this is the same for everyone. But at a very crude level, just to demonstrate as an example, a man might say, “Oh, I want to be in a relationship with this woman so I can have sex on demand, on tap. That’s what I want.”

And the woman may say to herself, “What I want is security, survival, and I don’t want to have to work for a living”. That kind of thing. And then she thinks, “This guy’s going to give that to me.”

So it’s all based on “what can I get from the relationship?” Which really is just another form of commercial transaction. If we look at this type of relationship with ruthless honesty, its a commercial relationship. What can I get out of this? What’s in it for me? So in my view this is not a soulmate relationship either.


Now, to me, a soulmate relationship is perhaps what Paramahansa Yogananda referred to in his book Divine Romance.

He says that friendship is the highest form of love. Because when we’re friends with people, we’re not asking anything from them. If it’s a true friendship. I just like hanging out with you. I like being with you. I enjoy being with you. I enjoy your presence.

Can you give me something?

Well, no, not necessarily, that’s not what I’m looking for. I’m not looking for you to give me anything. In fact, the opposite is probably true.

What can I give to you?

Just simply hanging out, being together with our soulmate is sufficient in and of itself.

And that’s what I found with Jenny. Simply being with her was completely fulfilling. I’m not dramatising this and I’m not looking through rose colored spectacles back into a romantic version of the past. No, this is something that I experienced at the time when her body was still alive. I can’t fully explain it. I don’t really have any logical or rational understanding of why this was so between us.

All I know is this is what happened and is the most beautiful feeling, the most beautiful relationship. And that’s what survived the death of Jenny’s body. And this Loving Presence is what I feel pretty much all the time.

So my take on soulmate relationships is that they are relationships in which we don’t need to get anything, are not looking to get anything from our beloved. Their presence in and of themselves is completely fulfilling and satisfying to us. Just being with them, simply loving them, that’s enough. No “what’s in it for me”, in other words.


A soulmate relationship is literally what it says, a “soul” relationship. Being with a soulmate is a soul-to-soul relationship that transcends our current human physical life.

This was the case with Jenny and myself. I’ve had experiences of remembering a life as a North American Indian and Jenny had similar memories. Since her most recent physical body died she’s often appeared to me as this North American Indian woman, who was my woman in a previous life, probably a few hundred years ago, from what I can make out based on the environment of that time.


A soulmate relationship knows no limitations of time and space. The relationship exists in what Eckhart Tolle popularised as “the Now”, this present moment. Present moment awareness is soul awareness. The now, your consciousness, is what I call soul awareness.

And then we can see that a soulmate relationship is the relationship of two souls with each other. This quality of relationship transcends the physical and mental forms of the relationship. This quality is pure, Divinely beautiful, unconditional love that is devoid of all feelings of separation.


I use the word “Divine” purposely. Because it’s the only word I know in the English language that comes close to describing the immense beauty of soul consciousness.

I think of a soulmate relationship as being a Divine relationship. It’s a relationship made in heaven, if you like. It’s Divinely beautiful.

When I’m saying Divine, what I mean is, for example, if we eat a meal and it’s absolutely gorgeous, it’s delicious, we want to savour every mouthful. We may say this is Divinely gorgeous, it’s wow!, it’s wonderful!

Or we look at a beautiful woman or man. And we think, “OMG you’re so Divinely beautiful”. Or a sunset, it’s a Divinely beautiful sunset, it’s amazing, and wow, that is so great.


So what I call Divine, our Divine Consciousness, is Divine Beauty. It’s the only way I can find to even begin to describe our true essence.

You may have heard it said that Consciousness, pure Consciousness, is beyond description. Well, I could add something to that and say, it’s beyond description because the beauty of Divine consciousness, the beauty of our mutual Divine soul essence is an incredible beauty that is indescribable.

There are no words that can even begin to really capture the immense beauty of who and what we truly are. All of us. Who we are. This Consciousness that lies behind the facade of our physical forms.

Who you truly are is Divinely beautiful.


A soulmate relationship is two beautiful souls coming together in human embodiment to grow in love together. To grow in appreciation of their mutual beauty. And to allow everything that is not beautiful within them to rise up to the surface and be cleared, to be released.

The power of Conscious Love, which emerges in a soulmate relationship, unveils within us every unbeautiful thought structure that was living in us. In our deep mind these unlovely, these unbeautiful, thought structures can stay alive from lifetime to lifetime.

Eventually we come to a point in one lifetime where we say, “Enough is enough. That’s enough. The buck stops here. All I want now is to unveil the beauty of the soul that I am, and to unveil the beauty of the soul that you are. I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to clear everything that is not beautiful. Everything that is not lovely. Everything that is not peaceful within me. To clear it out.”

When we hold this intention we bring the deep love that underpins all of life into play in our individual lives. This deep love lives as the very Heart-Self of who we all are, each one of us, where we are all absolutely equal. It doesn’t matter what job we do. It doesn’t matter what sex we are. It doesn’t matter what social status we have. It doesn’t matter how much money we have or don’t have. At this level of our deep Heart-Self, the beauty, the love, which we all are makes us absolutely equal.


This, to me, is the practical function of a soulmate relationship, to clear out all remaining unbeauty, unloveliness from our deep mind. Everything that is not beautiful, clear it out. Release it. Let it go. Clean it out from your deep mind.

This is what Jenny and I were doing. This is why I know this is possible. This is what we did in our relationship, as best we could. That came to fulfillment during her death process and, powerfully, after her physical death as well.


What I wish for you is that these Silent Wisdom posts of mine, in some way or other might touch you, and trigger an awakening in you that will lead to your discovering how Divinely beautiful you are. Everyone is. Every single one of us. Every single one of us is, in our essence, in our Heart-Self, Divinely beautiful.

This is what I wish for you to discover for yourself, about yourself.

And to discover that this Divine beauty lives within you as You.

Furthermore, it is my wish, my Heart-felt desire that you should find another one, a soulmate who is compatible with you. Someone whom you can look at and know that the Divine beauty that lives within you as you, is also the same Divine beauty that lives within them, as them.

In this Consciousness, you and your beloved are no longer two. And when there is not two, there is peace and unconditional Love …

Get in touch


Leo Searle Hawkins

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